He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
