Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He shit in the fireplace
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
