We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
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so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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