do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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