I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
