I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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