He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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