someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
