No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
