I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
