pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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