There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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