theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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