You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
