it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
