all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
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Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
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I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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