if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
