exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
