I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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