We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
