I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
