I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
