i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
