this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
