Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
