Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
