I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
