So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
