and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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