someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Life is so much better after having sex.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
