So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
