she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
