its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
How naked do you want me to be?
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