Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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