there's paper in my vomit.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
