My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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