Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
