He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
