im about as happy as oj after his trial
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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