im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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