There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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