She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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