I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
All I want is dick and wine.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
