Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
