I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
