i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
