You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
