just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
