I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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