My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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