The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
