my vag is so smooth its legendary
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
