haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
