Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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