It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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