I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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