I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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