flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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