shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
