Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
no, he came in my armpit
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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