i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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