Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
