what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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