just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
