I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
