she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
