i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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