In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize