After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
