too bad you live with your parents still
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
