My friends, they love my intelligence
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
