there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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