Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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