I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
