No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
