Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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